


I Love You (15x18 coda hoo boy)

by Wayward_Warlocks



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x18 coda, M/M, Whump, please if anyone wants to hmu about this fucking episode do so bc I’m gonna implode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:42:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27442135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wayward_Warlocks/pseuds/Wayward_Warlocks
Summary: Basically just some Dean-centric projected ramblings about the 15x18 ✨shenanigans✨ we all just went through. Set immediately after the episode.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 9
Kudos: 56





	I Love You (15x18 coda hoo boy)

It’s the eighth time that Sam calls, that Dean finally picks up. But no matter how much he wants to speak, wants to ask Sam if he, if Jack, if _anyone_ is okay -please, fuck, _let anyone be okay_ \- his body won’t let him talk. He barely musters up the energy to put Sam on speaker - certainly the effort it would take to hold the phone to his ear would be impossible. His thumb trembles, as do his lips, his breath.

“Dean?.. Dean, you there?” Sammy’s voice echoes around the otherwise silent concrete room, reminding Dean he’s _alone_ here. “Dean?”

There’s a rustling on the other end of the line, followed by high, shallow breaths.

“Dean, it’s Jack. Are you okay? Is Castiel with you?”

“Cas...” Dean involuntary responds, before his body’s wracked with sobs once again.

“We’re on our way there, Dean.” Sam states instantly, before hanging up the phone.

However long it takes Sam and Jack to find Dean in the bunker, he doesn’t pay notice. His legs are numb now, having sat in the exact same position since Cas threw him out of the Empty’s warpath. Really, the rest of him is numb, too. He’s played Castiel’s words in his head so many times they’ve lost all meaning.

_“The one thing I want... it’s something I know I can’t have.”_

_“Happiness isn’t in the having. It’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.”_

_“Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.”_

_“Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... but I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean.”_

_“I love you.”_

Except that’s not true. That’s a stupid cliché. They’ve not lost meaning at all. If anything, Dean’s just managed to convince himself that Cas was just caught up in the moment. That he didn’t really feel these things. And why would Dean do that, minimise and destroy any shred of meaning his best friend gave his own last moments? Because his response was so fucking stupid.

_“Why does this feel like a goodbye?”_ Because it was, dumbass, and you _knew_ that.

_“Don’t do this, Cas.”_

Cas poured his heart and soul out to Dean, and that’s the best he could come up with? God, _how pathetic_.

_Don’t do this_? Don’t do what, confess genuine love? Don’t have feelings for me? Cas died without knowing what Dean wanted to say. Worse yet, Cas could be stuck in the Empty, awake for eternity wondering what Dean wanted to say.

... What did Dean want to say?

“-happened? Dean, please talk to me. Please.” 

“I love you, too.” Dean struggles his way through, voice cracking weakly.

“Dean, whatever happened, Chuck’s still out there and we’re running out of time-“

_“I love you.”_

_“I love you.”_

_**“I love you.”**_

Suddenly, Dean finds the strength in his legs to stand up. He dusts himself off, pointedly doesn’t look at his shoulder, and looks Sam and Jack in the eyes for the first time since they got here.

“Let’s kill this son of a bitch.”

**Author's Note:**

> Ok this wasn’t my best work by a long shot & i wrote it in a solid 30 minutes but Honestly... hmu with theories. I beg. My tumblr is cinderblock-lostboy but otherwise just comment on here or smthn... please... keep my mind occupied until Friday


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